Then a sudden shriek rudely ripped through the air along with a flash of light that forced everyone to look up. More gasps, shouts, ugly words and even hysteria followed, becoming the commonplace chorus in a matter of seconds. What no-one in their wildest dreams could ever have imagined, had happened right in front of their eyes. The White House was gone! Somebody had stolen the White House! It was missing. There was no White House. As the shouting died down with everybody staring at the vacuum left by the large white structure, a strange, surreal peace filled the air. You could almost hear the far-off  esoteric sounds of The X-Files theme tune followed by an eerie gust of wind which casually threw a fistful of leaves into the air.

And suddenly the silence was broken by a high-pitched voice. ‘What’s that?’ a woman bellowed, pointing at an object lying on the grass at the exact spot where the president’s coffee table had once stood, not seconds before. One of the witnesses, still being medicated in the ambulance, strained to force herself up onto one elbow. In that awkward position, she stretched her neck, while squinting her eyes to see what the object was. In that moment she recognized it and her eyes widened in raw fear, rolling back in her head. She gasped!

‘Thash sje apparishun on sje roof! Ish sje apparishun!’ [Translation: That’s the apparition on the roof. It’s the apparition!] And in that moment, she passed out again.

This sent the crowds into a frenzied commotion. Fortunately, the company of soldiers, well-trained in combat and ready to defend, immediately started forming a wall around the small object. In a matter of seven point zero nine seconds the ruthless monster was surrounded with 400 rifles aimed directly at its tiny head. The little apparition looked up and with a confused expression on its face, opened its mouth slowly and said, ‘Goopie? Wishy goopie?’ Every warrior’s eye was now fully focused on the strange little  object as neurotic fingers hovered over nervous triggers. The company’s commander, a large man with a permanent scowl frowned and slowly, yet bravely peeked up from behind his powerful XM5 rifle. Then he frowned some more and in a moment of realization, relief spilled over his face. He turned his head and shouted over his shoulder, ‘It’s not an alien, It’s a baby monkey! Correction! It’s a baby monkey puppet!’

‘What?’ someone shouted and again there was mayhem with everyone trying to hear who was saying what to whom about where and when and again what. Rumors spread like wildfire through the crowd, with the press making notes on notes and recording everything as quickly as possible. There were many different versions of it being a baby muppet to a litter of puppies eating monkeys. Perhaps it was even a skunky crumpet. Other rumors spoke of a muffled hazy wonky, a shady honey buffet, maybe a funky bucket or even some sort of junkie or clunker. Someone even said it was a lady donkey trying to play a trumpet. The most far-fetched rumor they heard was that it was Warren Buffet’s baby.

By the time the police had the apparition in custody, the truth was out and the news quickly hit the airwaves. With the whole world knowing that there had been a baby monkey puppet on the roof, chewing on a tile when the White House suddenly disappeared. Everyone across the globe thought the Americans had definitely lost it this time, as their news agencies could not get their crooked stories straight, again. Soundbites of the puppet’s utterances of ‘Goopie? Wishy goopie?’ went instantly viral with linguists, historians, journalists and influencers all trying to decipher precisely what it meant. Meanwhile unknown, over-confident rappers wrote unoriginal songs repeating the catchy phrase over and over again taking it from super cute to hyper irritation.