Hannah's Hissy Fit (Sample)
Within the next few seconds, the er, … seconds were once again out of the ring except for Markus and De Melker who held onto a seated Staeger like a poor man with lotto tickets. Clara was now standing, arms akimbo, staring at the maidal-man. Suddenly she started tapping her right foot on the wooden platform like an impatient housewife, creating a steady rhythm that went ‘clak-clak-clak’ and caused all the elders to lift a wary eyebrow. Her foot was fast, and it was furious. Without any further warning she burst into song, running her Avril Levinesque anger through him like a barbecue skewer, all along keeping the uptempo ‘clak-clak-clak’ rhythm going with her agitated left foot.
“You broke into my cages, man, you broke into my heaaaaaaart and now I know you haven’t really liked me from the staaaaaaaaart.”
Staeger suddenly jumped up and interjected with a “Yoooooooou biiiiiiiiiiiit…!” but was fortunately cut off and pushed down into his seat by his guards.
‘Clak-clak-clak’ Clara’s foot continued as she raised the poor flabbergasted foul above her head like Simba, the lion king.
“Of course, it’s true, of course it’s true and to make my matters worse, you left me with this heartbreak, and you left me with this curse!”
“Traaaaaaaaaaaaaaaamp!” Staeger again protested, trying to get to his feet.
“If my pidgies had been green, I might not have made a sceeeeeeeeene. A simple red, white or blue could even make me waaaaaaaaarm to you. But no, you had to hurt me, and you had to cause a stink, so you violate our friendship, and you dyed my pidgies piiiiiiiiiink! That’s so uncool, man, so uncooooooool, you played me like a bimbo and here I stand, the U-L-T-I-M-A-T-E fooooooooool! Oh why, why, why, why, why, why, why? Scaramouche, scaramouche, mama mia, let me go!”
She ended it with a foot flurry and a ruthless Spanish stomp that would have made Sara Barras proud, her chin held high with one arm in the air and the pigeon clutched to her heart while keeping her glare on her opponent as if she was branding him for an auction. And the mister’s famous Papp sneer lay like compost in a heap at her feet. Clara kept him in her glare and slowly, like a breathless Marilyn Monroe simply said, “So be it. Aah roomys.”
Wiping the tears from her eyes, Clara quickly sat down on her chair again. The hall was filled with an awkward silence and there was absolutely no fidgeting going on. Hannah slowly leant over to Eli who stood with his eyes closed, taking it all in. He had an expression of pride and exhilaration on his face.
“Your lyrics, I take it?” she whispered. He kept his eyes closed while nodding and beaming satisfaction. Hannah just sighed. No-one had expected a performance like this! It wasn’t twenty-three seconds later that the stunned crowd awakened, the hall rose up as one man, applauding, cheering, whistling and chanting, “Clara! Clara! Clara!“
Everyone was involved and even the dreaded Nippolvinger remained absent during the eternal thundering ovation. The elders were shocked at everything they were experiencing and while Bishop Barend stroked his burd frenetically, Douglas looked around to see if he could spot Rebekkah Rapps in the crowds, wondering if Thoma’s best was not the real cause of these bizarre proceedings.
Staeger kept heaving like a caged raccoon but managed to start scraping up some of the scattered sneer which he half-heartedly began to fling at an indifferent Clara reclining in her corner like an Egyptian queen in chambers.